Life is wonderful. Yesterday I made apple pie and thoroughly enjoyed myself. There is something magical about pie for me, no matter how bummed I might be, as soon as I make a pie everything feels better. It may have something to do with the fact that everyone else gets really happy stuffing themselves with baked fruit and crust.
Today, I woke up to Welch making pancakes. If you haven't had pancakes a la Welch, you should. They were very good. Fancy even, with strawberries.
So I am finished being a sour puss and pouting. I have made the right decision and will stick to it because I know that it really is what I want and I should be happy about it.
It helps that I have realized that I am among friends. Or, I should say, realized that the people I am with do care and don't hate me for walking away. (Yes, I was worried about that. Don't judge me.)
All in all, I am much happier today. Everything is looking up. I might make some money this week after all and I get to go to New York on Friday. What could be better? OK, I know, not freezing cold weather...
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
"Emost" statement of the Century.
Ahh. It's Saturday and I am back in DC. It is dark and snowing and the white powder on everything make the world seem clean and bright. I usually hate the snow but this time it isn't bothering me. I really want it to snow, a lot.
I have started to feel better about things in general but I still get all mopey when I dont have much going on. I have a million things to sort out and probably need to take the time to actually do that, its just easier said than done.
On the up side, I am very excited to be in DC for the week. Matt is here and we are getting along really well. It has been comforting to have him around to talk to about everything. We are finally talking and being friends in a way that I haven't had with Matt in a long time. Welch is also here and I am excited to have the opportunity to get to know him better.
As for sorting things out, I have sorted out what I think I want to do with my life. I am not quite ready to reveal my plans to world but lets just say that I want to become financially independent and I want to go to school. I want to continue traveling too and I think I have started to figure out how to do all of this!
Sometimes life stats making sense and seems to be coming together beautifully but then I remember that everything else is falling apart around me.
I have started to feel better about things in general but I still get all mopey when I dont have much going on. I have a million things to sort out and probably need to take the time to actually do that, its just easier said than done.
On the up side, I am very excited to be in DC for the week. Matt is here and we are getting along really well. It has been comforting to have him around to talk to about everything. We are finally talking and being friends in a way that I haven't had with Matt in a long time. Welch is also here and I am excited to have the opportunity to get to know him better.
As for sorting things out, I have sorted out what I think I want to do with my life. I am not quite ready to reveal my plans to world but lets just say that I want to become financially independent and I want to go to school. I want to continue traveling too and I think I have started to figure out how to do all of this!
Sometimes life stats making sense and seems to be coming together beautifully but then I remember that everything else is falling apart around me.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Borrrring!
Not a whole lot has happened since I met Flynn in DC. Mostly I have been sitting in Elizabeth and Joanna's apartment reading, listening to music and doing a lot of thinking.
Life here is even slower for me than Asheville was. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that, I am just ready to get back to the city and the hustle of too many people.
I am tired of thinking. When I am in the mix of a city, everything is too fast paced to settle into the depressing thought of winter and life.
I finally called home the other day. My mother had called a few times so I talked to her in the only place on the campus I get reception, the top of a wet grassy hill on the other side of the campus. I even made the effort to call some friends from along my travels.
It was refreshing to talk to people who aren't terribly involved in my life. Its easier to tell them what I want about my life and leave it at that (without feeling obligated to say more). I could do that here too, but I prefer letting my dirty laundry air out here because I don't have to see/hear reactions until later. Plus this is a little like a diary...and I pretend none of you actually look at this. :)
My plan from here is to head back to DC on Saturday. I want to find somewhere to work for the week, hopefully make an extra five or six hundred dollars, and then head to NY. I decided to do the Boston thing, which means I will be there after NY. Extra money is always nice. By the end of all of that, it will almost be Christmas....
Life here is even slower for me than Asheville was. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that, I am just ready to get back to the city and the hustle of too many people.
I am tired of thinking. When I am in the mix of a city, everything is too fast paced to settle into the depressing thought of winter and life.
I finally called home the other day. My mother had called a few times so I talked to her in the only place on the campus I get reception, the top of a wet grassy hill on the other side of the campus. I even made the effort to call some friends from along my travels.
It was refreshing to talk to people who aren't terribly involved in my life. Its easier to tell them what I want about my life and leave it at that (without feeling obligated to say more). I could do that here too, but I prefer letting my dirty laundry air out here because I don't have to see/hear reactions until later. Plus this is a little like a diary...and I pretend none of you actually look at this. :)
My plan from here is to head back to DC on Saturday. I want to find somewhere to work for the week, hopefully make an extra five or six hundred dollars, and then head to NY. I decided to do the Boston thing, which means I will be there after NY. Extra money is always nice. By the end of all of that, it will almost be Christmas....
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Half Naked Push Ups and Champagne Drunk
My hair is getting long and I hate it. I have decided that I will let it grow while on this "journey." While I am not sure why, and I certainly don't like it long, it just seems like the right thing to do.
I haven't done much the past few days. Actually, that is a lie. It just feels like I haven't done much.
Thanksgiving was a bust, but then again, it always is. I went to Celeste's house (Ian's girlfriend) for the day. We made a ton of food but also drank too much champagne and forgot to eat. It wasn't bad spending the day with her. I just would have enjoyed being alone with Elliott Smith better....
The plan to make candy corn failed miserably. The dough wouldn't harden and I ended up with a puddle of yellow and orange sugar. I will attempt it again when I get back to DC and hopefully it will work this time! I really just want to make it so I can send little bags of it to my vegan friends around the country. If I could send pie, cookies and things of that nature, I would.
The up side to Thanksgiving was seeing Jill again. She got to Asheville that night and I went with her back to Charlotte.
If you didn't know, Charlotte, NC is the most boring place I have ever been. There is NO Nightlife. NO Bars, NO Shows, NO Vegan Spots, NO Young people worth meeting!
Jill and I looked so hard to find somewhere to hangout that we resorted to searching "hipseter bar" to find a place to go. In the end we watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Very hip if you ask me.
The train is becoming one of my favorite places/things to do. I know its nothing like hopping trains, which I would like to try next summer, but it gives me time to think, plan and reflect. The past few months have pushed me to really think about the relationships I have with the people in my life and what I want out of them.
My relationships are suffering. I recognize that. I am not entirely sure what I want anymore but I am also not ready to give this trip up or settle so I can be comfortable. The result: hurting people out of selfishness.
There was a very big shift in my life a few days ago, (You will have to forgive my being so vague) and now more than ever I can't tell what it is I REALLY want. I hate how sure you can be of something and then everything changes in an hour....
Anyway, sorry for that little emo tidbit and I will go back to giving the guided tour of my life:
I took the train for Charlotte back to DC. I saw some friends and hung out for a day, went to a party filled with shitty Chads and watched four guys prove thier manhood to eachother with push ups. The last part was funny more than anything.
Welch also gave me my first comic book. It is called "Y: Unmanned." Its about a guy who is the last man on earth. I am hooked and may start spending my money on comics instead of travel. Just kidding. I do really like this particular comic and I will try my best to finish the series at some point. Thanks Welch.
As of now, I am sitting at St. Mary's College in St. Mary's City, Maryland. I came to see Ms. Elizabeth Brunner and Mr. Flynn Knight Collins. It is 1:25am on a Sunday. I think I am the only person awake for miles. Historically speaking, I am a night owl. I like to stay up until 4am and sleep until 11 or noon. There is something comforting about the dark. Anyway, everyone else is asleep and I am so bored and awake that I am about to start reading Coin Locker Babies again. Not that I have a problem with that....
I haven't done much the past few days. Actually, that is a lie. It just feels like I haven't done much.
Thanksgiving was a bust, but then again, it always is. I went to Celeste's house (Ian's girlfriend) for the day. We made a ton of food but also drank too much champagne and forgot to eat. It wasn't bad spending the day with her. I just would have enjoyed being alone with Elliott Smith better....
The plan to make candy corn failed miserably. The dough wouldn't harden and I ended up with a puddle of yellow and orange sugar. I will attempt it again when I get back to DC and hopefully it will work this time! I really just want to make it so I can send little bags of it to my vegan friends around the country. If I could send pie, cookies and things of that nature, I would.
The up side to Thanksgiving was seeing Jill again. She got to Asheville that night and I went with her back to Charlotte.
If you didn't know, Charlotte, NC is the most boring place I have ever been. There is NO Nightlife. NO Bars, NO Shows, NO Vegan Spots, NO Young people worth meeting!
Jill and I looked so hard to find somewhere to hangout that we resorted to searching "hipseter bar" to find a place to go. In the end we watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. Very hip if you ask me.
The train is becoming one of my favorite places/things to do. I know its nothing like hopping trains, which I would like to try next summer, but it gives me time to think, plan and reflect. The past few months have pushed me to really think about the relationships I have with the people in my life and what I want out of them.
My relationships are suffering. I recognize that. I am not entirely sure what I want anymore but I am also not ready to give this trip up or settle so I can be comfortable. The result: hurting people out of selfishness.
There was a very big shift in my life a few days ago, (You will have to forgive my being so vague) and now more than ever I can't tell what it is I REALLY want. I hate how sure you can be of something and then everything changes in an hour....
Anyway, sorry for that little emo tidbit and I will go back to giving the guided tour of my life:
I took the train for Charlotte back to DC. I saw some friends and hung out for a day, went to a party filled with shitty Chads and watched four guys prove thier manhood to eachother with push ups. The last part was funny more than anything.
Welch also gave me my first comic book. It is called "Y: Unmanned." Its about a guy who is the last man on earth. I am hooked and may start spending my money on comics instead of travel. Just kidding. I do really like this particular comic and I will try my best to finish the series at some point. Thanks Welch.
As of now, I am sitting at St. Mary's College in St. Mary's City, Maryland. I came to see Ms. Elizabeth Brunner and Mr. Flynn Knight Collins. It is 1:25am on a Sunday. I think I am the only person awake for miles. Historically speaking, I am a night owl. I like to stay up until 4am and sleep until 11 or noon. There is something comforting about the dark. Anyway, everyone else is asleep and I am so bored and awake that I am about to start reading Coin Locker Babies again. Not that I have a problem with that....
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Asheville, NC for Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is just a day away and I still don't know what I am doing. Ian will be working all day so I have three choices:
1. Hang out with his girlfriend at her house and make food.
2. Hang out with his roommate and her parents.
3. Hide in his room and not have to explain to people why I get moody and depressed on Thanksgiving.
Each of those has its drawbacks.
What I really want to do is buy a bottle of wine and spend the day ALONE cooking and making vegan candy corn. I would listen to all my favorite depressing songs really loud, get drunk and cry for a while before overloading on sugar and starchy food.
I am certain this plan appeals to no one but me.
So far Asheville has been nice. It has been wonderful to see Ian and relax for a few days. We have done a lot of just hanging out. I have met a bunch of his friends and cooked him real meals and listened to his band practice. We worked on a new set for SG together and I think it will come out well. Other than that, I haven't done much since I got here.
My only complaint is that the slow living here gives me too much time to think about things. Where my life is going, what I want out of it, my relationships with people, plans for next year when I get back....
I have taken on some new work in the last few weeks. I still have plenty of money, but as most of you know, I dont like to see the number shrink. So I keep working.
Some of you don't want to know, so I suggest you stop reading here.
I have started doing work over the phone. Yes, phone sex. I like it. Its easy and really silly. I have a hard time not laughing. I set up an account last week and the company I go through sends calls to my cell. I can work virtually anytime, anywhere, when I feel like it. Its completely anonymous too. They never get my phone number or email. It does use my minutes but at roughly $100/hr. and no contact, I can handle upping my plan.
Besides that I have a few appointments for panties in DC and a guy in Boston who wants me to go up there and do dom work for a weekend. I haven't done anything like it before but I think I could get into it... especially because he doesn't want to have sex. I will spend the next few weeks thinking about it and decide then.
Yay! Money! I am such a capitalist. Yuck.
1. Hang out with his girlfriend at her house and make food.
2. Hang out with his roommate and her parents.
3. Hide in his room and not have to explain to people why I get moody and depressed on Thanksgiving.
Each of those has its drawbacks.
What I really want to do is buy a bottle of wine and spend the day ALONE cooking and making vegan candy corn. I would listen to all my favorite depressing songs really loud, get drunk and cry for a while before overloading on sugar and starchy food.
I am certain this plan appeals to no one but me.
So far Asheville has been nice. It has been wonderful to see Ian and relax for a few days. We have done a lot of just hanging out. I have met a bunch of his friends and cooked him real meals and listened to his band practice. We worked on a new set for SG together and I think it will come out well. Other than that, I haven't done much since I got here.
My only complaint is that the slow living here gives me too much time to think about things. Where my life is going, what I want out of it, my relationships with people, plans for next year when I get back....
I have taken on some new work in the last few weeks. I still have plenty of money, but as most of you know, I dont like to see the number shrink. So I keep working.
Some of you don't want to know, so I suggest you stop reading here.
I have started doing work over the phone. Yes, phone sex. I like it. Its easy and really silly. I have a hard time not laughing. I set up an account last week and the company I go through sends calls to my cell. I can work virtually anytime, anywhere, when I feel like it. Its completely anonymous too. They never get my phone number or email. It does use my minutes but at roughly $100/hr. and no contact, I can handle upping my plan.
Besides that I have a few appointments for panties in DC and a guy in Boston who wants me to go up there and do dom work for a weekend. I haven't done anything like it before but I think I could get into it... especially because he doesn't want to have sex. I will spend the next few weeks thinking about it and decide then.
Yay! Money! I am such a capitalist. Yuck.
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