Thank you, Julio!

I think my life is now complete. Or at the very least much more fulfilled now that I know this exists!



After watching the whole series, which you have to do, go watch the MadTV skit that goes with it.

On another note, I cant believe I lived without Metallica on my ipod for so long! What the hell was I thinking!?!

Oh lord I have to pee!

Im back in Paris!
Its a very bittersweet day. Im so happy to be with Charlotte and they guys again but Im also a little sad about leaving Barcelona. I will miss the sunshine, Lucie and the girls (and all of our gossip and stories), and surprisingly, Julio calling me a 'dirty fucking hippy.'

The city of Barcelona leaves a little to be desired for me but I have found that its always the people I meet that make a place for me. I will be back soon enough....

As for right now I am just trying to get my barrings agian. I feel kind of like I have been on holiday and need some time to relax. In my last entry I said some things that I think were taken out of context. Let me clarify: I am exhausted. I am so tired and feel like I just cant keep up with everything. I want to hear from my friends and family very much, I just dont always have the energy or time to respond. I have been feeling very homesick. I think its the first time since I left that I have REALLY missed everyone and its tough to deal with. So sometimes hearing from everyone makes me sad but at the same time its nice to know that I still have friends at home. I am not nearly as depressed as it may sound...

But on the up side I am very excited about being back with Char and our trip together! I will be visiting Berlin soon and Prague after that! Turkey is going to be so wonderful! I can hardly contain my excitement, especially after loving Morocco so much! I can already hear the call to prayer!

I worked with a photographer the other day who took some great photos that will be up in an exhibition. Its going to be pretty rad I think. And Im pretty sure my set with DiazArri is going to come out well too!

For the next few days I am going to be catching up on a few things, looking into and applying for visas to pretty much all of SE Asia and spending time with everyone here. I need to see a doctor for a number of reasons too. Im not sure how that is going to work....

Im an Emo Girl....

I suppose I should do this now when I still can and dont have to pay for it.

Barcelona has had its ups and downs since I got here. I have made friends, potentially lost friends, been bored to tears, been tired as all hell, excited about people\places\things, tried to relate and had so much fun I could puke. Its all a lot to process in a few short days.

I always (now) try my best to make friends with people. Not to just play nice but to actually get to know people and to create some kind of connection. Sometimes people dont want to cooperate and that is fine. And sometimes it just doesnt work. Its just a bummer when I am left in the dark and dont know what to contribute to a situation, there by making things much worse for everyone.

I know this is all very vague and probably doesnt mean anything to any of you but I want to put it out there anyway.

On top of all of that, Im feeling like a lot of people in my life have expectations for me that I just cant live up to right now. I am not in a place to commit to anything. I need my space and time to think but it feels like everyone wants a little peice of me. I dont know what I have to offer anyone anymore and Im not sure if I want anyone offering anything to me. The point is, I feel completely distanced from everyone and everything. I dont want to hold anything close anymore because its just going to change or Im going to leave or somewhere along the way it will get complicated and wont be fun anymore.

I miss my friends. I know I say that all the time but its true. I miss being around people who already know me. I had a dream last night about going back to DC. Everyone was hanging out at T street when I got there. I hugged Welch, maurine, Nassif, Flynn, Trey, Tina, Redbeard, Phloomis and so many other people. I was SO happy to see everyone. We all just sat around and drank rootbeer and told stories and had a wonderful time. I woke myself up laughing. I love and miss everyone very much!

Its funny to think about what other people think of my life. Everyone says 'oh it must be so nice, you never have to worry about bills and work! I wish I could do that!' I never know what to say to that...

They are right to a certain degree. I dont worry about paying the water bill or rent. I dont worry about getting up for work or school on time but I still have stress. I still feel down sometimes. There are days when I just want to quit and go home to my mom and never leave the house again.

I appreciate the life and opportunities I have, please dont get me wrong but its still hard to get through the days when I feel like crap. Its still my life and I have the same habits and tendencies I always had back in Portland.

My life isnt any better or worse than anyone else I know, its just very different. So when I get bummed out, or just want to vent or talk about the things that bother me(like now), please dont email me telling me I should be greatful or that your life sucks and mine doesnt. This is one of the only places I can vent to my friends and family without paying out the ass.

On another note:

This evening I will be shooting another set for SG with Mr. DiazArri. He is a wonderful photographer and I just know the images will turn out well! I have a few hours to kill before meeting him and I just dont know what to do with myself.

There are a few errands I need to run but I just dont feel like doing them. I would be content to just sit in the sun and relax but Im already red and my skin is dry from Morocco. My SPF 70 isnt working very well and the last thing I want is a sunburn.

Ruth and I are going out tomorrow! I am very excited about this. She is one of Julio's coworkers and she is fantastic. She is one of those people who is really happy everytime you see her but isnt annoying about it. I wish I could have hungout with her and a few other people sooner because Im leaving soon but there's always next year when I come back to Europe!

Another thing I am excited about: My mother has mentioned wanting to come meet me somewhere in the fall or winter! It would be so nice to see her and\or Mamo again, even for a few days. Im not sure where Ill be or where she wants to go but its exciting to think about!

Back to Reality, Sort of....

Here are the rest of my pictures from Morocco. I miss it there already and Im finding Barcelona kind of boring compared to the chaos of Marrakech. Soon enough Ill be back in Paris and on my way to Turkey.

This is the first time I have really felt like I was on holiday. You know when you go on vacation and you get back and need a few days to regroup and relax? Yeah, Ive got that, bad. It was just so much packed into a few days that I am now completely exhausted....























I really like Muslim culture and Morocco as a whole. Waking up to the call to prayer was so great. Im excited to get to Turkey to hear it again.

This is the view from the terrace I stayed on....







Ive decided to make a stop in Berlin since I know a few people there and Ive never been before. Should be interesting to just stop in for a few days. That also means that I dont think I will be attending the reunion in Chesky Kromlov. I had some good times there with a lot of amazing people but that was a different time and I dont want to ruin my memories, if that makes sense.

Ill stop off in Prague to meet up with a girl from SG and to most likely get tattooed! Im not sure what I want just yet but I need to figure it out soon! Id like the backs of my thighs tattooed I think. Something traditional and not too big but not small either.... Any suggestions? I thought about daggers but they are so overdone.... I dont want bows or buttons or roses...

After Prauge its pretty much up in the air. Hopefully Char will be with me and we can figure it out together. Im hoping to stay in Turkey for at least one month before heading to India to meet Jake.

Thoughs on Marrakech

Today has been a wonderful day! I wish my time here wasnt ending so soon.

I slept on the terrace of the hotel last night and loved it. it got a little cold just before dawn but was worth it to wake up at 5am for the call to prayer. The mosque plays this beautiful song/chant to tell everyone its time to pray. I hope to wake up to it again tomorrow and start my day the Moroccan way. Speaking of the call to prayer, I can hear it in the distance now.

Today has been wonderful for a number of reasons. Sleeping on the terrace was one but finding a Moroccan breakfast for only 10dh was pretty sweet too. Like I said before I love love love the breakfast here. The weather is beautiful, perfect really, so I spent the morning in the sunshine on the terrace writing in my journal and thinking.

An older French man started talking to me which was nice but kind of annoying too. He decided he liked my plan for the day and asked to tag along. The market in the Medina is the sort of place I could spend days exploring, and in fact, i kind of have. There were some spices I wanted to get before leaving and a few other things and I ended up paying a very good price for them. I am a little worried about crossing the border back into Spain because I now have 600 grams of spice with me. I just dont want them thinking Im smuggling hash or something crazy!

There is a shop in the souq behind the square that I went into and met a great man who ended up making my day! He spoke very good english and we talked about Moroccan politics for over an hour with a pot of mint tea. I even tried to buy tea and he wouldnt sell it to me because he said it wouldnt be the same stuff that they drink here. Fair enough. I really liked him and could have stayed all day.

Tonight is my last night here and I am a little bummed about it. Just as I fall in love with Morocco I have to leave it. Just like everything/one else on this trip!

Yesterday was spent with three American guys I met in the Palais de la Bahia, its the famous Aladdins Palace. They were from Seattle and proved to be a lot of fun. We went to the Saddian Tombs, had lunch and saw the Medersa Ben Youssef. The medersa is an old school for the Koran teachings. Its as close to a mosque non Muslims can get to outside of the few open ones in the world. We had dinner in the stalls in Place Jemaa el Fna which I absolutely love! Bowls of soup for 3dh, fried potato cakes, brochette, aubergine and everything else you could want for less than 2 euro. Unfortunately they left the city early this morning so we dont get to hangout more.

Probably better that I am leaving now because I could spend all of my money here shopping for spices and oils and perfumes.

Ill have a few more pictures soon. I want to show off all my jewelery and and spices and the medersa!

For now its time to eat again!