Sunday, September 6, 2009

Since we last spoke things have changed. As usual. I cant be relied on to make up my mind and keep it. I am the queen of changing plans.

The plan now is to move to New York. I have my reasons and it seems like a good idea at this point.

Im running out of money and I really dont want to be stranded in Cambodia or any other country in a few months. The west coast sucks and I think NY and I would get along well. I mentioned it a few times to people that I was thinking about it and the news has spread like wildfire.

So as of right now its official. Of course it could change, it is me we are talking about, but I dont see many other options on the horizon. I need to find a place to live and a job to hold me over, which shouldnt be too difficult, to make me feel secure.

The plan is to get a job and go to EMT school. I think Id be good at it and I can take it anywhere which is important for someone like me.

I was hoping to leave Portland September 30th to scout out the scene in NYC but I have instead come down with a nasty staph infection. Its in my face and its fucking disgusting but there isnt much I can do at this point. I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics and now Im covered in hives. Sexy. But whatever. It will go away in a few days and I can go back to my normal activities. It looks much worse than it really is.

Its been a boring few week outside the infection. I went to the beach for a day. And met my mom on Mt. Hood while she was camping but other than that its mostly been all about drama, illness, fixing bikes and watching DS9.

Ive watched about 20 hours of Star Trek. Cant complain. I love DS9.

I was supposed to get tattooed today but cant because of the staph so Im hanging out with my mom instead.

As always I have pictures to share but Im lazy and dont feel like dealing with uploading them. Maybe soon...


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

DC was a blast. It was so great seeing so many wonderful people and getting to spend quality time with them. I made Indian food one night and hung out with everyone all together. A lot of my relationships have changed in the course of the past eight months but most were for the better. I made a lot of friends as well and Im always happy about that. I also watched the entire first season of True Blood. Vampires are so cool.

New York has been equally rewarding. Surprising, I know. While I haven't had enough time here to really get to know people I have seen some good friends, met people Id like to get to know better and eaten more vegan ice cream than I ever should have. Perfect if you ask me. As always I wish I had more time here but my life is all about moving and changing. Everything is temporary.

Tomorrow is my flight to Portland. Its been said a million times before and Ill say it again, Im nervous about going back. Things have changed a lot and Im not sure what it will mean for my time there. I have plans to see friends in Seattle and possibly SF but if I cant take it after the "family camping trip" Ive decided Ill make my way out to the East Coast again.

I am a fickle lady. Being back is messing with my mind and I don't know what I want anymore. Its great to have no obligation and to be able to do whatever tickles my fancy at any given moment but right now its a lot. Ive had a lot of fun so far and wish it could never end.

I have missed my friends and soon Ill realize how much I miss my family as well. This has put me into an existential crisis over my life.

What is more important to me: seeing the world and meeting new people? OR my connections with the people I care about?

I miss being known and knowing people. I miss having time and space to complete or work on projects. I miss making friends for more than a few days. I miss not lowering my standards for company because Im lonely (no one should assume this is them).

Dont get me wrong. I love traveling and seeing the world and Im no where near finished but maybe its time for a break. Who knows. Maybe in another week Ill change my mind again. Knowing me, that will be the case.

For now my excitement is getting the best of me. To see my family and friends and to shoot another SG set and to ride bikes...etc. etc. Yay!