Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Bad Food and Listening to Hardcore?

Monday, September 29th

It was a pretty boring day. I went to the doctor and did laundry and went to the bank. Doing laundry was a pretty funny sight. I haven't ever done my laundry in a public place before and my impression is that people just go there to pick up on each other. Its like the bar but for finding nice, clean boys and girls. I laughed my ass off the whole time I was there.

I had to hang out in my American Apparel shorts, they are really, really short, and a tee-shirt with no bra for an hour and a half while everyone around me danced and did some weird mating ritual. I just read my book and kept to myself as much as possible!

I keep going to this tattoo shop in the city to see if they have a spot open but they never seem to be open. I was pretty bummed when I had walked 14 blocks to find they were closed again. At least I had the chance to talk to Jill for a while. It was nice to hear from her.

I actually did laundry twice on Monday! I took BART to Oakland to meet Ken and he ended up needing to do laundry too. I sat with him while his clothes washed... Some little girl opened up the washer he was using during the wash cycle. I think it was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. She was so bewildered when all the water spilled out onto her feet! I had to laugh!

So that was pretty much my day. We went back to the house and hung out and listened to hardcore/metal and talked about womens exclusive nights. It was so punk.

Tuesday, September 30th

I spent my morning in a very strange, unlike me, kind of way. Its actually really funny to picture.

Me sitting on a crummy twin mattress in the corner, on the floor. Clothes, books, garbage everywhere (this is Sam the boys room, btw) and me reading Cog Magazine with Modern Life is War blasting from the record player in the corner. Yesterdays makeup still smeared under my eyes and an old stretched out black Minor Threat tee-shirt on. I ate oatmeal and changed the record to Gorilla Biscuits while I showered. Who am I? I hate that crap! Well, I guess not anymore.

Actually, I have really enjoyed some hardcore the past week or so. At first I was just drunk and didn't mind. I wasn't getting all agro like I usually do, but then again, I am really docile when I have been drinking. But now its kind of fun and silly. What can I say, I think I am finally at a place in life where I am much more open to new things. (How else would you explain it?)

It was a good way to start the day. Sam the girl and I rode our bikes out to Berkley so she could flirt with some boy and I could have my implant put back in. I ended up buying a flannel button up shirt, because its cold here at night, that we are going to take in and make all girly. I am turning into a hipster...I know. Hardcore, flannel, Cog Magazine, Delores Park and PBR. Its a downward spiral I am on.

The guy who put my implant back in is named Nathan. This is, hopefully, a better Nathan. He knows Jon from Robot and Autumn, the two people I will usually let pierce me. He was quick and gentile and we may hangout before my time here is up, but I'm not sure.

Berkley sucks. I don't like it at all. College kids should just go kill themselves now and the crusty traveler punk kids are even worse.

Sam and I went to a fast food place that has a bunch of vegan stuff. It was awful. There is a reason I quit eating that shit. It was good in the sense that it tasted good but I immediately felt like crap after eating it. Burgers and fries are not healthy! I don't care if its vegan. Its bad for you!!

We sat in People's Park for a few hours. I guess that is supposed to be an historic park. It was filled with a bunch of gross hippy travelers and homeless folks. Homeless people are fine with me, just not when they want to harass me!

Do you know what time it is? Its time for world peace.

Doesn't that get old? Don't you think people are tired of hearing that? We all know its time for world peace!! Its just not going to happen!

Sorry. That is my only complaint about the bay. Everyone is a fucking tree hugging, drug addict that wants to hug it out to save the world. I'm good, thanks. Ill pass on getting scabies and letting you feel me up.

After all of that we left Berkley and went back to Sam's. I ate more crap and she changed for the gym. We talked about boys and getting the courage to ask people out and things of that nature. I am pretty forward, so I am terrible at giving advice about that.

I came back to the city where I walked around the Mission and talked on the phone. Ian and I talked for quite a while and it felt good to hear his voice. We both did some venting and I found it to be very therapeutic. Fox came home with tons of bread and croissants from the bread dumpster down the street. I ate the hell out of some freegan croissants!!!

I ate a lot of shitty food today! I need some veggies....

I did eat some quinoa and beans that Liz made. They were amazing! But thats still not a leafy green.

Tomorrow I work all day. It will be fun. I am looking forward to lunch since I have a zine that is all about Vegan and Vegetarian places to eat in the Bay Area!!! Mmm...vegan tacos.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Fascist Hippies, Pie and BDSM Porn

Friday, September 26th

I was exhausted on Friday! After staying up way too late, I had to be in The Mission for work. I missed my doctor appointment because I just couldn't get myself out of bed but I did end up at work on time, early actually. I walked up to Philz for coffee and ran into Sam the girl. We had a very awkward exchange but I was still half asleep so it didn't really matter. I drank my coffee and went to work.

I got paid. It was much more than I had expected it to be, but I am really ok with that.

I met up with Ken at Delores Park after work. I had heard about BikeBike but couldnt go because I was working. I did make it to the party afterward though. Ken and I sat in the park and drank beer for a while before he found a cute girl to talk to. I ran into my friend Joe and hung out with him and his friend Chas for a while. They are good kids and made fun of me for being giddy.

I ran into a lot of people at the park actually. This kid Mike (not the mash kid) was there and I told him I would meet up with him later. The party started to disburse from the park, as it was too cold to stand any longer, and moved to a bar down the road. I cant remember the name of it but it SUCKED! It was the worst Muggle bar ever! I couldn't handle it so I called Mike. I met up with him but he wasn't doing much so I went back to find Ken at the bar. The poor guy was trashed! In no condition to ride a bike or get home on his own.

Chas called and invited us to a party over in Lower Haight but it turns out we couldn't find it so Ken and I went back to Oakland.

While waiting for BART we ran into his friend Chelsea. She and I laughed the whole ride to Oakland because as soon as we sat down, Ken passed out. It was pretty amusing. But I dont think it won Ken points with the girl...

The night ended with bagels and Ken trying to get me to let the dog lick my face. I wasn't having any of that.

Saturday, September 27th

I spent most of the morning and early afternoon on the roof of the house with Sam the girl. Ken had already left for more BikeBike by the time I got up so I decided to just hangout in the sun. Its amazing how much warmer Oakland is than the city. I really enjoyed the sunshine for the little while I could.

Sam let me shower, since I hadn't done that in a really long time, but I had to put my dirty clothes back on...at least my hair was looking good again?

Here is where the next 24 hours get iffy. I am a member of a website called couchsurfing. I had sent out a bunch of emails to people asking to sleep on their couches and to see if people would want to hangout. I thought it might be weird but what the hell, I have yet to meet any totally normal people.

His name was Nathan. He called and asked what I was up to for the day and invited me to the opening of The Academy of Sciences Museum. I thought it was free so Sam the girl and I decided to go with him. The museum was not free, you needed passes and there were a million people everywhere. Everything was fine. Nathan seemed like a nice dude. Sam's guy/boyf/love interest joined us. We all went to find food in the Richmond area and to look at books at Green Apple.

While eating, Sam and I decided we wanted to go back to her house to make sweet potato pie. I was super excited about it!! Nathan was invited by Sam so it became a big group thing. Whatever. No big deal. We got back to Oakland and made our pie. At about 11pm Sam warned the guys that BART stopped running soon, but they decided to stay. As the pie baked we began a discussion about reproduction/procreation = breeding.

This is when Nathan turns into a fucking, unforgivable, right wing fascist! He starts telling us that the problem with over population and parent less children in the world, isn't rich white people, but that its all the poor, uneducated minority groups.

Then he goes on to say that everyone should be sterilized, against their will, and made to meet a certain standard on income and intelligence (ie. education). I thought I was going to kick him in the head! He could not even begin to see what was wrong with that train on thought! I wanted to kill him and die all at once!

We ate our pie on the roof and stared at the stars while trying to ignore Nathan's insane points of view. It was rough.

I finally couldn't take any more and climbed down and went to bed!

Sunday, September 28th

Today was great!!

Breakfast was a little rough with Nathan still there. It was awkward and tense all morning. We eventually made our way into the city for the Folsom Street Fair.

When we got into the city, Nathan finally left and Sam, Ryan and I went onto the fair.

Folsom St. Fair is the single greatest event of my life! It is a huge, gay, leather daddy celebration for all! There were live BDSM shows in the street, cross dressing, naked men, masturbation, open sex acts, and so on. It was amazing! I love that everyone was so open with their sexuality and kinks. There were all kinds there to enjoy!! I will have pictures up soon!!! Trust me, you'll want to see them!

I met Sam's friend Jason. He is another hardcore kid from DC but doesn't like the hardcore scene anymore. My favorite kind! I like Jason a lot. He is pretty easy to get along with and a good joker. They took me to Rainbow Grocery where I are the worst vegan cupcake of my life. It was like a bland muffin with frosting. Other than that the store was great! Sam was harassed by some hippy guy who wanted to heal her soul with his humming. This city is filled with freaks!!

It was nice out so it was back to Delores Park for sitting in the sun! Sam ran into some of her friends there so we sat with them while they got stoned. SF is weird like that. People can have open containers anywhere and the cops don't care at all. Its even more relaxed when it comes to pot. People smoke pot everywhere! Bars, parks, sidewalks, restaurants, anywhere they allow smoking, there are people getting high.

It started to get cold so we went our separate ways. I went back to the Dude Cave to get my stuff. They weren't doing much so I packed, hung out for a minute and then took off. I am now at the Hampshire house. I like it here. Its mellow and I will be able to do laundry tomorrow!!!

I have a doctor appointment in the morning so I will say goodnight!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Feeling Random and Boring

Not much has happened since I last updated this but I thought I would fill it in anyway, so I dont get too far behind.

Sunday, September 21st

I finally found a bike to ride, thanks to Andreas and his roommates. It was this rediculous old Fuji frame with cruiser handle bars and a five inch stem. It was really silly to ride but it got the job done and thats the important part!

We got up and made the best tofu scramble ever! It helps that the store we went to was amazingly cheap, everything for breakfast cost $7 and it fed five of us. We ate and cleaned up and then headed into the city.

It was so nice to be on a bike again. I didnt realize how much I missed it! Poor Andreas crashed, which lead to a pile up with the bikes, but he is ok. Just a few scrapes. We ended up meeting up with this kid Mike (he is an older Mash kid, but actually know how to ride his bike. Amazing) and he took us through Golden Gate Park to the Sutro Baths. We all watched the sunset and ate sandwiches and froze. I loved it.

We rode around some more and then Benji, Andreas and I went back to the Dude Cave. The Simpsons were on and we got sucked into watching for an hour. That is exactly what the cave will do to you. Your going along, having a great productive, exciting day, and then the Cave won't let you go.

Bridez was playing again so we headed to the Knockout for the show. It ended up costing too much because they played with Gravey Train so we hung out outside of the venue and talked to people before catching BART back to Oakland.

Monday, September 22nd

Monday was a strange day. Benji was leaving that day to go home to Seattle so we wanted to have breakfast together. Andreas took us to Mama's, which is a generic diner with a few vegan options. It was good greasy food. My favorite. After food, Benji and I went over to Sam's house. He needed to pick up some things before his flight but when we got there, she wasnt home.

It was kind of funny watching Benji try to get into the house. I was just sitting there, sweating because it was so hot and calling her phone over and over again. She never answered.

She did finally come home and I ended up spending all day with her. I didnt like her much the first day I met her but there is nothing surprising about that. And, as it turns out, she's not so bad! (Jack Samuel aparently knows her from Spain)
We sat on the roof and talked about straight edge, sex work and a number of other things.

I eventually made my way back to the city where I stayed at the Dude Cave and yet again, stayed up way too late watching Lethal Weapon, Dumb and Dumber and Bloodsport.

Tuesday, September 23rd

I spent most of the day sleeping, like an idiot. What a waste of a trip. I spend most of my time watching movies and sleeping late. Booo! Anyway, after sleeping until 2:30 in the afternoon I got up to sit in the living room of the cave to talk with Kyle and watch more movies.

After a few more hours of amazing productivity, I finally made my way down to a local tattoo shop, which is aparently well known. They were closed and I was bummed. On the up side, I probably shouldnt be getting tattooed (Im still going to...).
I walked a long distance to meet up with my new friend Sam (this one is a boy and the girl Sam's roommate). We hung out in front of Whole Foods with two of his friends while they were all on lunch. I think the friends names were Jon and DJ, but dont quote me on that.

Eventually they had to go back to work, so I wandered around the Mission for a while. As a side note, y'all should look up SF news and read about the aparent five murders in five days. Not to mention the shootings infront of Jack's Bar. I quess this is a violent city...?

My night ended with me drinking way too much tea at a coffee shop that's open late. I text Jake a whole bunch and read my book before once again heading back to the cave.

What an exciting life I am leading. Every time I tell someone about my plans for the coming months, they get all excited. But to be completely honest, I find all of this tiring. I get stressed out, homesick and lonely. I am by no means considering coming home, I am just having a rough time dealing with all of it without crying.

Wednesday, September 24th

I had a doctor appointment in the morning. I really hate going to the doctor, especially now. The treatment I am getting is really painful. Its helping but it just sucks to have to get up so early to get all the way across town to have some guy push on my muscles and make me hurt. Next week is the last time I will have two sessions a week though. Its not so bad.

Then its down to The Mission for work! My job is alright. It really just boring more than anything else. I spend most of my days reading, playing solitare or chess and watching the people outside. I shouldnt complain. I know a lot of people here who cant find jobs and they live here!

After work, picked up my bike from REI and called this guy Joe. He is a friend of Jill's and while he is kind of weird, I am finding that he is a good friend to have on your side. I called him to ask if I could stay at his house for the night. (I think the Dude Cave is great but I have been there a lot and they aren't always my cup of tea). Joe's house and roommates are wonderful. They were warm and inviting to the point of telling me I could stay there as much as I wanted until the 15th. I have accepted as I will have a key to thier house and be able to use the kitch to cook (this has not been an option until now). This means I can eat more vegetables and come home late if needed!

Joe is a silly guy and I think most people dont like him at first. He can be a little hard to handle at first but through his offensive humor and somewhat bro mentality, he is the kind of guy that would give you the shirt off his back if you asked nicely.
His roommates are great too! They are a bunch of mildly radical lesbian women! Some are messengers in the city, Liz is a full time grad student studying human sexuality (so those of you who know me best, know that Liz and I can talk for hours!!) and the rest are just plain interesting people!

Thursday, September 25th

I had breakfast with the roommates at the Hampshire house (this is how I will refer to the lesbian/Joe's house) and then left for work, on my bike! Its so nice to have a bike in this city. Beleive it or not, you can avoid the hills more so here than in Portland! I feel like I am getting to know the city better with a bike too!

I was starving after work and went to the Hampshire house to make food. I am a terrible cook and ate rice with plain tempeh and greens for dinner. Boy Sam called and wanted to meet for coffee since he was staying in the city for the night. By the time I got to the cafe, it was closing so we just walked around The Mission and he let me vent about being away from my partner and how flaky people in this city are. It was nice. I ended up never getting that coffee. :(

On the way back to the Dude Cave I ran into this kid Will. He is Abe's band mate from Bridez. I really like him! He is always filled with so much enthusiasm that you cant help but feel good around him. Even when he says he is having a bad day, he is smiling and exagerated and wonderful. I wish I could be him sometimes.

I got back to the Dude Cave late and instead of going to bed like I should have, I stayed up until 3am watching 3:15 (I highly recommend it. It has Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket in it!) and Freddy Kruger movies. I am a wuss and had a hard time sleeping....

On a side note: The boutique I work in is connected to St Francais Creamery (its an old diner) so I smell cheese all day. Not bad cheese but really good, melty cheese. I want it. It makes me hungry all day.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Pictures. You figure it out...

Fish Fun

I'm going to try a new style for this so brace yourselves!

Thursday, September 18th

I had stayed the night in Oakland the night before but had to work on Friday so I took BART back to the city.  I have to say that I really like the amount of public transportation that is available at all times in this city.  Anyway, I went back to the "Dude Cave" (this is better than calling it the boy cave) to clean up and relax a little before I had to start my first day of work.  I ended up watching Leprechaun with them, I had never seen it before, and really liked it.  I just can't believe they made five of them!!

After the movie, I went to Delores Park by my self for lunch.  Big mistake.  That stupid park is pick-up central!  I don't like being bothered.... so that's not the place for me.

I worked for a few hours. Its a really easy job.  Kind of boring actually but I get to read a lot so that's great!  

After work I headed to 21st and Valencia for an amateur movie night, which was terrible!!  Crap. It was all crap!  But I survived, and got to hang out with more wonderful people.  After that it was over to Jack's.  If you ever want great karaoke in SF, that's your place.  I sang Dirty Dancing songs with Benji, Heartbreaker, Jolene and a few others!  I love karaoke now! Definitely a new favorite hobby. 

Most of you should know that when I hangout with you again, I will want to do duets with you at the bars all night.  Prepare yourselves!

After that I had to catch the last bus back to the Dude Cave where I stayed up until 4am watching Wet Hot American Summer.   (Phil: you need to see this.  The Stella guys made a movie!!)

Friday, September 19th.  

You don't even want to know...

It started as a regular day.  I had a doctors appointment and then work from 1-5pm.  Nothing all that exciting happened at work.  Just hung out and sold panties to old white ladies.

After work there was a city wide park thing going on.  You can take a parking space and turn it into your own little park for the day.  Some friends were playing a show and when I got there, Ken, Benji, Andreus, and everyone else were there.  I met a few new people and we all headed to Delores Park to kill time.  We were waiting for a gallery opening/show to start at 8.

It started to rain, which fucking sucked since I didn't have a coat (rain here is like mist) so we went to a bar called Clooney's.  It was a shitty sports bar with cheap drinks.  I opted to have a Shirley Temple because I didn't want to end up drinking too much.   Ha. Just wait.

The bar was boring, the gallery we went to was boring and we were hungry so we got tacos at a place around the corner.

Here is where it starts to get good.

Benji knows a guy named Matt who is a Green Peace activist.  They just made a movie about the WTO protests in Seattle so a huge party was thrown for the activists.  Matt was our in.  We got to the Weston Hotel, (we meaning everyone I have been hanging out with since I got here, except Nick and Constance) and there was tons of free drinks and food. The DJ was mixing Obama speeches to music.  It was weird.  I had a few glasses of wine, ate a little and danced.  I was somewhat drunk, called Jake, texted Ian and then got dragged to an after party in one of the suits. I continued to drink upstairs with 40 people in a hotel room.  

Security eventually came and kicked everyone out.  For whatever reason, we stayed. (Mind you I was pretty trashed at the point and I don't know all the details from here on out).  Clark immediately freaked out and threw a whole beer at the wall and started screaming "I'm going fucking nuts right now!"  I laughed and from there I think I called Jake again.  Big mistake (I'm sorry, again).  

I think is the point where we started stealing shit from the room.  Benji had taken a shower and was in nothing but a robe and Ken was in the shower.  Miki and I just sat there laughing hysterically.  Some woman came in screaming and yelling about the trashed room and made a big scene.  Then suddenly she was gone. I don't know how they got rid of her.  

Lots of craziness ensues.  Clark is stealing everything he can see, I'm laughing and about the piss myself.  It was silliness.  We had to leave that room, and ended up in the lobby.  Then trying to get into a new room... I'm not sure.  I yelled at some guy about him making fun of my laugh and got really agro with another for touching Miki.  More craziness happens. Benji is trying to get Clark to cooperate, since he has lost his mind, and I, of course, am still laughing. 

I ended up returning all of the stolen items to the front desk.  I think I gave them the wrong room number.  

I finally start taking the situation seriously and all I knew was that I needed to get a cab home.  I was chasing Benji and Clark around the hotel, they still wanted to try to get back into a room. 

I think I finally called Abe and had him tell me how to get them together and how to get home.  
We finally caught a cab!  It was about 3am.  The details are very fuzzy.  

When we finally got to the house, Abe made Spanish rice so we could all sober up and put Boys in the Hood on.  Kyle was at the house and more out of his mind drunk than all of us put together. He had smeared fake blood all over himself, cut his eye somehow and his poor girl friends was almost in tears.

In the end everyone else passed out.  I stayed up with Abe and watched the movie.  I think I finally went to bed around 6:30am.

It was an eventful evening, to say the least.


Saturday, September 20th

I spent most of my day hung over and wondering exactly what the hell happened last night.  Kyle was still drunk when we got up and was watching ET on two TVs at once.  

Benji and I couldn't take it, so we walked down to Love and Haight for sandwiches.  After food we went to Deboce Park for a while.  

There was a BBQ in Oakland and Abe's band was playing so we decided to head out that way.  Bridez was amazing. I really like their stuff.  The party/BBQ was like a scene out of That 70's Show.  Tons of hipsters in bad clothes, listening to weird 70's music.  It was a pretty shitty time until Bridez played.  Once they were done, we all left.  I'm back at the Huffin House, its the amazing loft space in Oakland where Andreus lives.  All in all it was a decent day.  A much needed mellow day after last night.

We may go out to some hot tub later but I don't think that's actually going to happen. 

Anyway.  That's my life.  
Strange. Shitty. Fun. Exciting. 
Fish Fun.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Oh Me, Oh My!

I really love San Francisco.

Its been just under one week and so much has happened! I have felt the intense pressure of a big city and being on my own and I have to say that after my moments of panic, I really like it here. My emotions have gone from intense loneliness, overwhelming homesickness and boredom to a feeling of complete joy! I miss my friends but its worth it to make new ones. 

My days haven't consisted of much but I still feel accomplished and content.  I will start my new job tomorrow which I think will help me stay busy.   

Most of you know, I was offered a job last weekend!  I will be working part time at a local lingerie shop in The Mission.  It will pay $10/hr and I will be working through October 15th!  I am really excited about this since it will allow me to get to know the city and people here for a little longer than originally planned!

As for what I have been up to:  I drink way too much coffee here. Most of it sucks, which is why I drink so much.  I went to a taxidermy shop (which, by the way, is the best spot in SF), a pirate shop, I have eaten tons of wonderful vegan goodies, had way too much wine, hung out with great folks, etc.   

I have been staying in a house with four boys in the Upper Haight area.  They are a bunch of rowdy, gross boys but I like them all the same.  They say "hella" a lot, way too much in fact but they are good boys that I hope to keep in contact with for a long time.  

A few nights ago, we decided to go to the park to hang out and see the Painted Ladies.  They drank and I hung out with some random dogs on the stairs while I talked to Jake.  On the walk back to their house we were stopped and invited into a party where there was a "noise" band playing.  (I really hate that crap.  It was weird, ambient, hippy music.) I sat in the living room and discussed how flirty this city is with Abe (one of the guys I am staying with) and one of the dudes that lived in the house.  It was, as I have learned to call it, Fish Fun.  (Fish Fun is described as surreal situations, in which, you have no idea how you ended up there or how to get out.)

I have watched crazy movies about Mexican gangs, eaten giant felafels, had pic-nicks in the park, and climbed Strawberry Hill.  All in all, it sound like a busy time, but in reality it's not.  

I really do like it here though.  The city has a lot to offer and I feel like I could live here.  We shall see how I feel about it by the end of this trip.  Its expensive but I think worth it.  

Tonight is my first night in Oakland.  I'm not sure how I feel about it just yet. I'm still freaked out because everyone I know who has come here has been robbed!  I walk around with my mase and taser ready to fire but so far, I've had no action.  

Anyway. I'm tired, slightly hung over (you don't want to know) and about to watch Flight of the Navigator.  That's way more fun than just typing away to all of you!

I will try to post pictures soon!  My access to the Internet has been extremely limited...

Saturday, September 13, 2008

First days of SF

I finally made it to SF.  Its cold and windy but its nice to be here.  

We went to a gallery opening for some famous artist.  I don't like art so it wasn't that great for me.  After the gallery closed we tried to go to an after party but that turned out to be really lame and went to a bar instead. 

I drank Shirley Temples and watched crazy hipsters get trashed.  Benji ran into a bunch of people he knows at the bar.  That was weird.  I might end up staying with them since I still don't have a place to stay after Jill leaves.

We ate lunch at this place called Herbivore. I have heard really amazing things, so I think it was built up.  I wasn't impressed.  It was pretty standard vegan food.  But whateves.  I also saw the Full House house.  Its really silly to watch people freak out and take pictures.  I think Im going to call those people Super Tourists.  

So thats my trip so far.  Today we will go to the farmers market and see a little more of the city.  I have no real plan at this point.

I miss home and sleeping in my own bed with Jake.  Really I miss everything about home but I think thats because I know Im not going back for a long time.

blah...blah...blah....  To the market we go!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Saying Goodbye

I know this shouldn't be a big deal or anything but I am finding it really hard to say goodbye to some people. Any time I have said goodbye to someone in the past, it has been for good. So now as I reflect on the wonderful going away party I had, I am sad and keep wondering if it was the last time I will ever see these people.

Jake and I have had many talks about this and each time I am left feeling like I shouldn't be upset about leaving. Not that my feelings have been invalidated but maybe I am making a bigger deal out of it than I should.

Like I said, I have never really said goodbye to anyone and when I have, its been for good.

I suppose this is just one of the many experiences I will have in the coming months that will help me grow up.

With that said, I will miss all of my friends dearly and I know they will miss me too. And Portland will always be my home. I think I will always end up here in the end.