Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Fuck Christmas

Yeah, that's right. You heard me.

I probably shouldn't be as bitter as I am but seriously, fuck christmas.

Grocery stores close early, if they open at all, everyone is busy with their families, people acquire useless crap that will only break and end up in a dump later. Not to mention that it is a christian holiday that is shoved down every one's throats.

My christmas eve has been spent walking to the store to get food so I can eat tomorrow, showering and trying to get rid of the nasty case of athletes foot I have from too much time in the hot tub. Fun. (I know, FWP.) I also drank a whole bottle of sparkling cider to myself. I would have preferred champagne but when staying in a straightedge house, its probably not a good idea to get drunk.

On the up side, I think I will end up spending tomorrow the way I want. The original plan was to hang out with the DPC (Dead Parent Club) watching movies and eating ourselves silly. But I haven't talked to Trey or Ian in days and I am not so sure that is what I want to do after all.

Christmas aside, things are going well. I have been very happy the past few days. I was unsure of my hair cut but I like it now. Its still a little short for me but it will grow and it looks good now too. I also got myself a little gift for the holiday today. I have a really heavy winter hat but I wanted something that was a little more versatile so I got a plain black beanie. I also got black hoop earrings. I always forget how much I like earrings.

Jake and I got to hangout for a day or so before he had to go to Virginia Beach to see his dad. Things are going well with us. There are plenty of things to talk about but its great to know that we will remain friends for a very long time.

The thing that takes the cake though, is my new tattoo!!! I have wanted this tattoo for a while but was waiting to get to Silver Spring as an extra tribute to my grandmother. She spent a lot of time in this area when she was young so I waited until now.

Miss Tina Pell did it and I am pleased with her work. It was a first traditional piece for both of us! I absolutely love it. I also absolutely love my grandma!

Mamo is a wild woman. For anyone who ever thought I was a little crazy, you should know that I get it honestly, from both Mamo and my mother. Mamo used to belly dance on cruise ships, chase young men around, rub elbows with the stars and more. And I am sure I don't even know half of it!

Anyway, I like my tattoo and my hair cut and hopefully I will like my christmas too.

I usually try to volunteer on christmas day but this year I totally forgot about it until it was too late. I have started to feel weird about choosing to volunteer on christmas day anyway. I mean, I can donate my time and help out any time of the year. I should but I don't. Everyone wants to do some good during the holidays even though they don't really think about it or care to think about it the rest of the year.

My privilage is something I try to be aware of so I can better understand my place in the world and how I affect others lives. But in that I have become somewhat hyper aware and now feel weird about being some white, upper middle class woman stepping in to make the world a better place.

DC is a poverty ridden city. Most of the people here are poor, minority groups and I feel strange stepping in to "help out" for a few hours, not knowing anything about the community or people here. I can speculate and try my best to relate but I will never truly know what it is like and therefore have no place telling the community what it needs.

I am aware that this is a slippery slope and I shouldn't let that stop me from trying to participate in something good. I just think it is important for me to completely explore my feelings and options before I make a regrettable decision.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

New Hair and Hot Tub Party

Okay. So, I'm back. And I will try my best to go back to updating on the regular. Sorry for the hiatus.

My weeks have been lonely and somewhat boring until yesterday. I have spent most of my time feeling awkward around people who I want to call friends. Most of them I don't know very well at all and feel like they are getting the wrong impression of me. It's a vicious cycle that I really want to break.

Anyway! I have made an endless array of baked goods and tasty treats for people, read some interesting pieces of literature, watched movies and listened to great music. I would say that my days here are getting better and after last night I am pleased to be where I am!

A bunch of the people I have gotten to know here played a show last night. It was interesting to say the least. I actually really enjoyed the show but trying to interact on a social level with some people there was difficult. I mostly just mean that many of the people who are in the "punk/hardcore" scene have nothing else to talk about. Its like they cant relate to anyone who doesn't know all the lyrics to every Minor Threat or Black Flag song. I enjoyed the show none the less.

The show was followed by Ethiopian food and a naked hot tub party. I was happy to be naked (its been way too long) and in a big tub of warm water! There were about 15 of us all in our birthday suits. It was wonderful being with friends, naked and totally comfortable.

Sorry (or maybe thankfully), there are no pictures of the show or party.

Today, I woke up to Joanna at the house ready to cut my hair.

I know, I know, I know. I was going to let it grow but I just couldn't take it any longer! It gets everywhere. It's always in my way and I just wanted it gone!

Im not sure how to feel about it just yet....
What do you think?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Secret Is Out

Well, I guess since I have been talking about it and it's not like it is a secret anymore, I should let the cat completely out of the bag..... Jake and I broke up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're sorry and all that. Really, its great. Not the not having a friend part but the part where I get to think/worry about myself part.

We are still friends, so you don't need to get all weird or anything.

Any questions?

*BTW: I do feel shitty about posting this like a piece of hot news. I just don't want to keep explaining it to everyone over and over again. If you are truly concerned and/or want to know something, just call.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

New Blog

I have started another blog. The new one will be recipes and ideas for cooking and baking.

Stay tuned. And, you know, once there are some things up... let me know what you think!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Feeling Better

Life is wonderful. Yesterday I made apple pie and thoroughly enjoyed myself. There is something magical about pie for me, no matter how bummed I might be, as soon as I make a pie everything feels better. It may have something to do with the fact that everyone else gets really happy stuffing themselves with baked fruit and crust.

Today, I woke up to Welch making pancakes. If you haven't had pancakes a la Welch, you should. They were very good. Fancy even, with strawberries.

So I am finished being a sour puss and pouting. I have made the right decision and will stick to it because I know that it really is what I want and I should be happy about it.

It helps that I have realized that I am among friends. Or, I should say, realized that the people I am with do care and don't hate me for walking away. (Yes, I was worried about that. Don't judge me.)

All in all, I am much happier today. Everything is looking up. I might make some money this week after all and I get to go to New York on Friday. What could be better? OK, I know, not freezing cold weather...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

"Emost" statement of the Century.

Ahh. It's Saturday and I am back in DC. It is dark and snowing and the white powder on everything make the world seem clean and bright. I usually hate the snow but this time it isn't bothering me. I really want it to snow, a lot.

I have started to feel better about things in general but I still get all mopey when I dont have much going on. I have a million things to sort out and probably need to take the time to actually do that, its just easier said than done.

On the up side, I am very excited to be in DC for the week. Matt is here and we are getting along really well. It has been comforting to have him around to talk to about everything. We are finally talking and being friends in a way that I haven't had with Matt in a long time. Welch is also here and I am excited to have the opportunity to get to know him better.

As for sorting things out, I have sorted out what I think I want to do with my life. I am not quite ready to reveal my plans to world but lets just say that I want to become financially independent and I want to go to school. I want to continue traveling too and I think I have started to figure out how to do all of this!

Sometimes life stats making sense and seems to be coming together beautifully but then I remember that everything else is falling apart around me.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Not a whole lot has happened since I met Flynn in DC. Mostly I have been sitting in Elizabeth and Joanna's apartment reading, listening to music and doing a lot of thinking.

Life here is even slower for me than Asheville was. I suppose there is nothing wrong with that, I am just ready to get back to the city and the hustle of too many people.
I am tired of thinking. When I am in the mix of a city, everything is too fast paced to settle into the depressing thought of winter and life.

I finally called home the other day. My mother had called a few times so I talked to her in the only place on the campus I get reception, the top of a wet grassy hill on the other side of the campus. I even made the effort to call some friends from along my travels.

It was refreshing to talk to people who aren't terribly involved in my life. Its easier to tell them what I want about my life and leave it at that (without feeling obligated to say more). I could do that here too, but I prefer letting my dirty laundry air out here because I don't have to see/hear reactions until later. Plus this is a little like a diary...and I pretend none of you actually look at this. :)

My plan from here is to head back to DC on Saturday. I want to find somewhere to work for the week, hopefully make an extra five or six hundred dollars, and then head to NY. I decided to do the Boston thing, which means I will be there after NY. Extra money is always nice. By the end of all of that, it will almost be Christmas....