Too Far.

There is no easy way to say this so Ill just go ahead and throw it out there: I am out of control and I have no idea how to get back to where I need to be.

Before you panic Ill say that its probably not nearly as bad as it sounds but I am ashamed of my behavior. I lost control drinking the other night. I dont really know what happened and I dont like that. This along with many other decisions I have made in the past few months has lead me to this conclusion.

I do not want to be a part of a culture that promotes that behavior and so I am stepping back and re-evaluating my life. Its disgusting to think that I had to be babysat and that I cant remember what I did. I do not like people like that, I do not want to be one of them, and I am making the decision not to be one.

What I need right now is stability and I dont have it. Im struggling with the adjustment to being in once place all the time and not being able to just walk away anymore.

It hard to shift from one life style to another and I know its going to take time. I feel like a teen again trying to figure out who I want to be and where I fit in everything.

So long story short: I need to apologize to a lot of people for my behavior and I intend to, very soon. I will no longer be consuming alcohol until I feel I have a handle on my life and actions.

In lighter news, I have been working on my cross stitch a lot. Its close to half finished. I should have it done in the next few weeks if all goes well!

Trey and I went to the movies the other day. We saw Where the Wild Things Are. I have to say that I was extremely disappointed! Aesthetically it was pleasing but other than that it was terrible!! Lack of story and a horrible message to children! The whole movies was pretty much about an abusive character who manipulates people and resorts to violence when he doesnt get his way and everyone is supposed to forgive and love him anyway! What the fuck kind of message is that for kids?!?!?! GRRR....

I have a job but it doesnt start until the end of the month. I need to figure out an income in the mean time but that shouldnt be too difficult!

New York is wonderful. I really like being here but Im eager to start school now. Im ready to be busy again with productive things not just killing time socializing.

Im losing a lot of weight but it seems to be healthy weight. Id be happy to keep the pounds I have but since that doesnt seems to be an option anymore......

So, I cant say how long Im going to keep this up. I feel strange keeping a blog now but if I feel inclined I will.....

Also, Ill have a camera again soon so if anything, youll get pictures.