My So Called Life

I have been having a really hard time lately organizing my thoughts and feelings and everything else into coherent communications. I'm stressed and I don't know why. I have this strange knot in my stomach that has been here for about a week now but I was ignoring it until today. I have been shaking a lot and a thought it was because I haven't been eating on a regular schedule but even when I eat, I shake.

Right now, I'm trying just be calm and not let things get to me. I have so many things to be happy about but I still have a little gray cloud following me around. Its like doom is looming in the distance... sigh. I'm not sure what my problem is.

But sometimes I just get like this and its nothing. I panic and worry and will probably have an ulcer in the next few years because of it. My grandpa always calls me a worry wart and Ive always hated it because its true. When I was really young, I would to get so pissed I would cry if he said it.

Ive been "working" on a lot of things as of late and so maybe its all just too much. I have a crazy temper at times and I have been trying my best to keep it in check. My short fuse for irritating and annoying people and things is getting in the way but I think Ive made some progress.

I'm trying not to let peoples involvement in my life, or lack there of, bother me. Reminding myself that the world doesn't revolve around me and not to take things personally is a constant battle. I am a terribly insecure and selfish person. I know this and I am trying not to be.

So now that you know all this personal shit about me and how I'm feeling about myself.... Ill tell you some other things in an organized list!

1. I like this method. I can talk about things without spending an hour writing and rewriting to make sure it flows and sounds good and so on.

2. The weather has finally improved! It was so warm today that I had to go buy shorts! Yes! I have legs again! I figured I should just buy a pair since both of my favorite shorts have been lost in shipping. I don't like them as much or at all really but they work and that's what matters. It was beautiful today and Im hoping it stays that was for the rest of the week. Some vitamin D would do me some good!

I also bought a new hoodie while I was getting shorts. It was time. My wonderful purple hoodie has served me well and I will have it sent home so that I can keep it and wear it again later. I just got a simple black hoodie this time. Nothing flashy since Im thinking I draw enough attention as it is.

It felt so good to have the sun on my skin again. Finally, summer is here!

3. Messy Rooms. I think I have a problem with keeping my space tidy. I have gone right back to being seven years old with all my toys and clothes everywhere!

This picture was taken just three hours after getting back to Prague. When I arrived, the room was clean.... I am so ashamed because it has only gotten worse since.



4.LOTR. Oh yeah! I started reading it! The book is way different from the movies, just sayin. I should have read it years ago but like everything else I was late to the game. Tomorrow I have plans to sit in the sunshine and read for hours. Nothing else. Eating, reading and napping. Fuck everything else. This will hopefully calm my nerves. By the way, its so good.

5. Remember this hair? Yeah, it came back for a few days but I think its leaving again.... Its for the best.



6. New tattoo. Umm.. So, dont kill me. Mom, Mamo, I know your not going to like it and will probably be really disappointed and I hate to break it to you this way but.... I have a new tattoo.

It is kind of on my face. Lets let that sink in for everyone and then we can talk about what it is and so on.

Its not like on my forehead...well yes it is but not really. Fuck. Ahh. Please don't be pissed at me. I really like it and I'm sure your going to tell me Ill regret it but I think its as cute as a face tattoo could be and its quite tasteful. I think.... Anyway. I don't want to post pictures now because it will be very different in a few weeks. Its really dark now because its fresh.... it will lighten up and when my hair grows back it will mostly be covered by that.

I can feel you getting mad right now.... Sorry?

7. Having a large ipod is a blessing and a curse. I keep fining that I have great music but I don't know its there until someone else shows me! So stupid. Someone looks as my ipod, tells me I have great taste in music and then I sarcastically make a comment like "oh yeah! I love that band. Ive known about them for years!"

I recall this happening in Asheville and Ian gave me a strange look because he knows I have no idea who the band was. I don't think I ever explained that I was joking.... haha. Oops.

8. Dates: Boys suck and rule at the same time.

I was asked out today. Haha. I think its funny more than anything but I still think people suck. Dude asked me to hangout, I agreed thinking it was a casual thing. He got pissed when he heard I had a partner. Hahahaha. I told him we were in an open relationship and that I was free to go hang out with anyone I like. But the guy was an asshole, and I really only wanted to look at him anyway, so when he got pissed I just laughed at him.

I know, I'm an asshole for a few reasons here. I was treating him like a trophy, but I'm sure he was doing the same so Ill justify it that way. And because laughing in someones face is just not nice.

A word of advice: don't laugh in the face of heavily tattooed and pierced guys you meet at tattoo conventions who are from Boston just after you tell them you have a boyfriend. It gets pretty ugly.... Hahahaha. He just yelled some, not at me, and got really red and wanted to punch something I'm sure. Hahahaha! What an agro douche bag. To top it off, when he realized what a fucking possessive bro he was being, he still wanted to hang out! Made my fucking day! :)

There was another date-ish situation too but its far less interesting and pretty much involves the same thing.... I should hang out at tattoo conventions more often! Hahahahaha! Yeah, right!


So thats that! I have friend dates all this week and I am excited about all of them. Im hoping to make more too but people are busy and I kind of want some "me" time too.

Jake is leaving for Thailand in just a few days and Im a little bummed about it because I wont get to talk to him at all until we arrive in India!

Its so strange to think that in just a few weeks Ill be in some crazy hot, humid forign country. Europe is one thing. Its like America with a twist. But India is going to be intense and really rad!